The paradox of Success!
Success is one of the most sought-after things. Throughout our lives, we give ourselves ever-changing definitions of success and spend most of our lives chasing them. Intermittently we pause, dig deeper, and question what this success means to us, but due to lack of time or complexity of our thoughts, we resume the chase without resolving this query. Probably, if we dwell deeper into the dynamics of success to understand how it changes us from within, we might be able to see the paradox it creates within us.
Success leaves us with untapped potential: Ironically, our past success also becomes a great source of our untapped potential. Since we are conditioned to succeed, we discount any new dimension in which we might appear to be a failure. It means that in a single life where there are infinite dimensions to be explored & to learn from, we hold on to the one where we succeed, depriving us of all the possibilities there could have been.
Success pushes the expectation threshold, reducing the utility of Success for you: The first Success we get has the highest utility associated with it because we don’t have anything else to compare it. Every subsequent Success is compared with the previous successes and hence should be bigger than the previous ones to be celebrated else it becomes a part of the usual expectations. It is irrespective of the effort one has to put in repeating a similar level of Success.
Success has its own baggage: The more we succeed the bigger our fear of failure becomes. Each of our Successes adds a corresponding weight to the baggage of fear of failure. This fear of failure shapes us in ways we would not even imagine. It damages our self-esteem, confidence, motivation, emotional state, self-Image further, spiraling to an unfulfilled life.
Success distorts our choices: Success makes us choose things not based on our satisfaction but on the likelihood of succeeding. We transact our satisfaction for this desire to succeed. Provided there is no specific definition of success out there, our choices would be more intrinsically driven and might be different from the ones we take.
Success is a source of distraction: Until one has succeeded, one is unaware of what Success feels like, but having experienced Success, one understands what it is like to Succeed. Subconsciously, this awareness takes away our focus from doing the act. Instead of doing the activity with the sole purpose of doing it, with the best of our capabilities, we add a thought around whether we would succeed or lose, taking away our undivided attention from the task.
Success is comparative, mostly generating negative feelings at a holistic level: More often than not one succeeds in comparison to someone. If success is in comparison to our previous self it is healthy. However, if one succeeds over others, the majority is left with a feeling of ‘I am not enough’ resulting in a Sum total of negative emotions at the overall level.
So what’s the way out of this paradox
- Discovering your Intrinsic Goals to tap your potential: One’s potential and purpose are highly related to one’s internal goals. It is difficult to nail down to that one specific thing from which we derive great satisfaction. So instead of discovering that source of intrinsic motivation, which is hard to streamline, we often follow a defined path of success laid out by the external environment. The ones who have dared to explore varied dimensions of life have been able to derive a high level of satisfaction from the process itself without caring as much for the final outcome.
- Making a choice based on Intrinsic satisfaction to improve the utility of success & reduce the fear of failure: When you make a choice where the bigger value lies in the doing part of the activity than the outcome, you get cushioned from the impact of the outcome. For most people, it is difficult to zero down the fear of failure. If the choice you are making is driven by internal satisfaction, you ease the fear and pain of failure to some degree. Further, it enhances the utility of success.
- Setting your own definition of success and standing by it: To negate what exists outside you, you would have to dig deeper inside yourself to figure out what gives you a true feeling of satisfaction. There will be a constant battle between the internal & external definitions of success, visualizing the satisfaction you attain while undertaking something you love would help you maintain your stance.
- Defining success in comparison to yourself: Real success is when one is able to stretch beyond one’s known capabilities & enter an unexplored zone of oneself. What you have set as goals is your flow and gives you your peak experience comparing it with someone else’s definition would not make sense.
- Perceiving every effort and outcome as a part of the evolution: Every effort you make irrespective of its outcome is either a step or series of steps that add value to you & help you evolve allowing you to produce the final outcome. It is difficult to hold this perspective, to see our efforts not producing the desired results. The key is to shift your perspective from a short-term view to a long-term vision. In long term, we are able to connect the dots between all our failures & the final outcome, of which we could not make sense in the short term.
