What drives you? Fears or Values
Our Life can be explained in terms of the series of goals that we set for ourselves and the time we spend towards the achievement of these goals. These goals that we set for ourselves can be driven by our fears or our values. Driven by fears, we work towards a goal, the achievement of which would take us away from an uncomfortable zone. Driven by values, we work towards a goal, achievement of which ensures that we move in line with our values or attain something worth living for.
What are Fears and how do they drive us?
Fear, by definition, is a negative emotion we experience in the context of something, someone, or a situation when we perceive that it would expose us to danger or something unbearable. Our fears can range from physiological fears to psychological fears including fear of getting physically or emotionally hurt, fear of failure, fear of unpredictability, fear of missing out, fear of not being enough, fear of being seen as weak or vulnerable, fear of rejection, fear of being judged. What is peculiar about fears is that they are mostly extrinsic in nature, which means that they develop from how you perceive yourself in the context of the external world. Assuming you are living all alone on an island your fears would be reduced to a large extent. Observe children and you would realize that our basic fears revolve around a safe & secure existence. With the increasing complexity of our lives, our fears also become complex.
When fears drive us, we set the goals such that they take us farthest from our zone of fear. This approach keeps you safe and reduces the probability of you getting exposed to uncomfortable situations. However, this type of motivation is a Catch 22 situation as there is no definite point where you would feel that you are far enough from your zone of fear. You might reach a point where you start questioning your choices, losing sight of why you did, what you did. While chasing the goal and even on achieving the goal what remains at your focal point is the fear, generating a constant negative force restraining fulfillment in life.
What are Values and how do they drive us?
Values are guiding principles, standards, or ways in which one wishes to move in life. Values might take shape of attributes you wish to inculcate such that most of your actions are in line with them. They might also be defined in terms of specific activities that make you feel that life is worth living for (provided I am doing this). In terms of attributes, values can be termed as learning, curiosity, kindness, humility, helpfulness, fairness, loyalty, compassion, selflessness, honesty. When values take a form of activity it can be any act that makes you feel connected to everything around you and makes you feel more lively. It can be a piece of writing, an art form, a physical activity, a conversation, any form of self-expression. Values, unlike fears, are more intrinsic in nature. They are more consistent and less dynamic. They become deeper or remain on the surface depending on how much we are able to sync our actions with them.
When we are driven by values, we set our goals such that they are in line with our valued attributes or allow us to pursue more of such acts that provide us the ‘flow’. With this approach, we aim to move closer to something that provides us a higher level of satisfaction and fulfillment in our life. Since we might or might not address our fears in this process, there is a higher likelihood of us getting exposed to our fears. Further, following this path you might feel falling short on external benchmarks. However, the key to human flourishing and potential lies in synching our life more and more with our values. The more we are in harmony with our values the more satisfying, fulfilling and meaningful life would appear.
At the end of the day, these are different approaches or ways of living life. One can choose any of them depending on what is overpowering in them is it the fears or the values. However, we should be well aware of what is driving our choices so that we are aware of where this path would lead us. Driven by fear our goals decisions and actions are likely to take us on a safer path where probably we might not achieve our life’s potential. Driven by values our goals decisions and actions would take us on a path on which we would be highly exposed to our fears, however, we are likely to live a more fulfilling life.
